Today was good I went over my friends house real early to watch wrestling and the great balls of fire ppv was actually sick we might have got the roman reigns heel turn at last. After that I went to lunch with friend and to the library. Then work which ughhh was fine until I accidentally forgot to grab my bag before leaving and my manager had to come get it so embarrassing.
So today I was hungover and had work so I was just the goofiest dude all day singing out loud, being weirdly friendly to customers, telling inappropriate jokes, all to get my mind off my stomach. When I got home I watched MITB which was kind of disappointing nothing really substantial happened everything was predictable. I’m in an okay mood overall just hoping this cold doesn’t get worse.
I woke up today feeling absolute trash to the point where I think I accidentally shaded my friends through text just because grumpy. The day took a positive turn when Emma invited me to the gym and we talked and I worked out as best as I could with a bad wrist and people watching. After that I watched the Omega v Okada 2 match which was sick and distracted me from homework nicely. Then I went on a date wow, well it was a date to me anyway, went with Emily to see a Wonder Woman and like to me it was a really good night but I guess to other people it might not be because I’m too awkward to really make a move lol but we still hit it off really well.
Today was average but an improvement overall. Work was busy as I was left alone so of course I had a group of super fussy customers come in all at once haha. My colleague mentioned that she went home in tears after the meeting yesterday and I was glad to hear I wasn’t the only one who was super pissed at the situation. After work I went to uni to interview a professor of sociology and I made it just a minute late but he was pretty helpful which is good but now I’m stuck for ideas which is bad. Watched Extreme Rules when I got home and wow the main event was dope but what the fuck have they done to Bayley Jesus Christ. After that I went to gym and didn’t even have to have a mental breakdown to get there I just did.
I spent much of today in a kind of depression hangover after falling into kind of a manic state last night. This wasn’t helped by my interview subject bailing on me once again and my car acting up. Luckily my shift at work was quick and relatively painless. I went to my mates house to watch Backlash which brightened my mood quite a bit, both the ppv and my mate haha. I’m weary but hopeful for tomorrow, bad times will come but bad times will always go, thanks for reading whoever you are, getting to vent to you has been really good so far.
I’m an ugly waste of fucking space that isn’t worth anyone’s time or affection. The only person who ever gave a fuck about me chewed me up and spat me out like I was nothing in the end. I hate myself, I’m sick of trying, I wish I never existed. The only reason I’m not trying to kill myself right now is because I have to interview a guy tomorrow and I don’t want to ruin his day. I bet I’ll fuck that up too because I’m too mentally fucked to do anything right now. Jesus Christ why am I so unlikable.
Still awake, calming down, I think I might have depression for real because these feelings are getting out of control. I’m trying so hard not to lash out, not to freak out.
Today was seedy and dull, woke up at Liam’s then promptly went home. Watched takeover Chicago which was great. Work was eh there was this strange girl who I reckon was digging me but I could not trust her, too many red flags. Life sucks at the moment but I need to press on.