06/07/17

More bad sleeping last night but whatever I woke up for work today which was dead until a whole class of high school kids came in which was bad. I also opened up the bottom of the proofed and dear god it hasn’t ever been opened and the sludge was bad as fuck. Relaxed at home and did a bit of gym, might be getting sick again though ughhh. 

04/07/17

Today I woke up in a bad mood but quickly got comfortable on the couch and watched Pineapple Express for the first time which cheered me up. After that I went to the gym for a bit but probably didn’t stay as long as I should have just because it was so crowded and I get anxious. When I got home there ended up being a blackout which sucked but it came back pretty quickly thank god, played Yahtzee in the meantime which was funny.

26/06/17

Today I just did like nothing like I played video games and listened to the new DJ Khaled album and oh jesus christ not good noooot good. Lucky the new 2 Chainz and Denzel Curry were both pretty sick and kind of washed the disappointment away slightly. Went to the gym finally and tried some new things that don’t exacerbate this damn wrist injury so much, thinking of caving and going to the doctors for it.

12/06/17

I woke up today feeling absolute trash to the point where I think I accidentally shaded my friends through text just because grumpy. The day took a positive turn when Emma invited me to the gym and we talked and I worked out as best as I could with a bad wrist and people watching. After that I watched the Omega v Okada 2 match which was sick and distracted me from homework nicely. Then I went on a date wow, well it was a date to me anyway, went with Emily to see a Wonder Woman and like to me it was a really good night but I guess to other people it might not be because I’m too awkward to really make a move lol but we still hit it off really well.

07/06/16

Today was low key but decent, just went to work and worked on homework stuff and I was totally okay with that somehow haha? On days like this I’m like “why do I even write this, my life ain’t that interesting?” But I guess in six months time I might wonder what I was doing on the seventh of June so here it is. Only bummer is this weird wrist pain that stopped me from lifting at the gym, hopefully that clears up.

05/06/17

Today was average but an improvement overall. Work was busy as I was left alone so of course I had a group of super fussy customers come in all at once haha. My colleague mentioned that she went home in tears after the meeting yesterday and I was glad to hear I wasn’t the only one who was super pissed at the situation. After work I went to uni to interview a professor of sociology and I made it just a minute late but he was pretty helpful which is good but now I’m stuck for ideas which is bad. Watched Extreme Rules when I got home and wow the main event was dope but what the fuck have they done to Bayley Jesus Christ. After that I went to gym and didn’t even have to have a mental breakdown to get there I just did.

03/06/17

For some reason I spent a majority of today in a real shitty, gloomy headspace. I mean it probably has a lot to do with not doing anything all day, the one person I reached out to ignored me all day so that was cool. Went to the pub for tea and ate way too much but went to gym so hopefully that compensated for it somewhat. I know next week I’ll feel better than this I just wish there was a way I could pull myself out of this mindset. Been listening to good music all day at least, new J Hus album, Mountain Goats and all those Brockhampton singles hoo boy.

01/06/17

Today I worked which wasn’t too bad since it’s during the day so my mind was pretty occupied but by the time I got home I was heaps exhausted. This assignment is going nowhere and I can’t even solidify an idea, tutor is gonna eat me alive. After planning who to call tomorrow (if I can stomach it) I went to the gym which I’m happy with. I swear this double chin I’ve been heaps worried about has become smaller which is good. So yeah been kind of up and down emotionally, mostly up though, I think the thought of me being at the same party as my ex next week has me stressed but I still have time to process and deal with it. 

28/05/17

“You never knew anything about pain except how I was supposed to deal with it”

Actually writing this one on the day hallelujah. Today was pretty relaxed I caught up with friends at the gym which I have overdue for now for a long damn time. Wish I had time to like grab coffee or something after but never mind off to work I went. Work was okay it went pretty quick and I was able to stave off any negative thoughts for once.

I think I might be catching feelings for someone and it’s weird because my initial reaction to that is to run away from it because fuck that right? But I’ve been thinking that maybe the reason why I can’t seem to get over my previous relationship while she so easily got over me is because she remained open to feeling for other people whereas I was/am so closed off about it. Like I still want companionship sure but the thought of actually falling in love again is terrifying to me and I’ve blocked those feelings for a long time now. Not saying I’m falling in love, far from it, but maybe I shouldn’t be so resistant to it.

I wish I didn’t feel so dead inside.