28/05/17

“You never knew anything about pain except how I was supposed to deal with it”

Actually writing this one on the day hallelujah. Today was pretty relaxed I caught up with friends at the gym which I have overdue for now for a long damn time. Wish I had time to like grab coffee or something after but never mind off to work I went. Work was okay it went pretty quick and I was able to stave off any negative thoughts for once.

I think I might be catching feelings for someone and it’s weird because my initial reaction to that is to run away from it because fuck that right? But I’ve been thinking that maybe the reason why I can’t seem to get over my previous relationship while she so easily got over me is because she remained open to feeling for other people whereas I was/am so closed off about it. Like I still want companionship sure but the thought of actually falling in love again is terrifying to me and I’ve blocked those feelings for a long time now. Not saying I’m falling in love, far from it, but maybe I shouldn’t be so resistant to it.

I wish I didn’t feel so dead inside.

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