10/05/17

It’s 11pm on a Wednesday night and I am starting yet another blog. Starting is the key word here, who knows if I’ll follow through with this but for now I just needed to do something constructive.

I am so lonely these days and I don’t know why, like I spent all day with a good friend so why am I sitting here now hating myself? Why did I just get done walking around aimlessly in the dark because the thought of going into the gym makes me sick?

I just want validation, want to know that I’m special to someone I guess? She gets that in spades and it’s not fucking fair like I try with people and whenever I seem to get close they get all flaky and leave, leaving me there looking like an idiot. All Chantelle has to do is smile and twirl and most guys will be happy to give her their time, I’m not worth anyone’s time.

I don’t know why I feel like I need it so badly like I’m fairly sure I’m okay looking and I had four years of a relationship so surely I’m not that bad but I just want to know that this sinking feeling is in my head and not a manifestation of reality.

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